Mum, Mommy, Ma, Mother, Mama — MOM!
It was a scene from the politically incorrect animated series “Family Guy” that became a TV promo for the show that morphed into an online GIF that ultimately sprouted as a ring tone. I only know the lattermost because my niece Alexis selected it as the customized sound for my sister-in-law Kim’s calls to her for quite a while.
Heck, it still might be squawking out every time Kim rings up Al. #LMKGirls
The scene in question has baby Stewie (a genius toddler who’s intent on killing his mother, Lois; I told you it was twisted) standing beside Lois, who is sitting upright on her bed watching television.
He begins to say her name — and then several iterations of the word Mother — in quick succession and very, very annoyingly. The dialogue goes something like this:
“Lois, Lois, Mom, Mom, Mummy, Mummy, Mama, Ma, Mum, Mummy, Mama…” each moniker is repeated no less than four times each. The chanting goes on for at least 45 seconds. When Lois, can finally take no more of the irritation, she screams “WHAT?” He replies, “Hi,” and runs away laughing.
Lois then sighs with the deep, heaving exhale that most mothers experience after a particularly exasperating exchange with one of their offspring.
And even though the show is wildly fictional (thank God!), her reaction to the maddening altercation is quite real. #WeHaveAllBeenThere
Let’s face it, we have all done things that put a few extra gray hairs on Mom’s head from time to time, now haven’t we? DO NOT EVEN MAKE ME COME TO YOUR HOUSE AND PULL ON YOUR EAR BY DENYING IT.
Especially today, let’s all pause for a moment of silence for every single thing we did over the course of our lifetime for which we thought or even said aloud, “Um, let’s not tell Mom about this, OK?” I’ll speak to some of you in early 2019, yo.
Off the top of my head, the list of things I routinely did as a child that gave my mother indigestion include but are not necessarily limited to:
• Not applying sunscreen and bug spray;
• Ignoring the sell-by date and drinking the chocolate milk anyway;
• Glimpsing directly at the sun as it set;
• Stalling at bedtime.
As I got older, the list broadened to things such as:
• Running in the park after dusk or alone;
• Riding on the back of a motorcycle (what — I had on a helmet!);
• Buying both a jet ski AND a snowmobile (blame Kerry for those two);
• Forgetting to “call and let it ring once when you get home safely.” #HonestMistake
I don’t think I’ve been a completely horrible daughter, but at the same time, there’s NO WAY I have even come close to being the kid my mom deserves. The woman is pretty much a saint here on the earth. If I tried for 1,000 straight years to repay her for all she did for me in my first quarter-century alone, I’d come up short, capisce?
The consoling, the supporting, the picking me up when I fell down (literally and metaphorically). The moderating of childhood wars with my siblings. The good advice that went untaken, the constant love, encouragement and prayers. #EndlessList
I’m sorry for all the gray hairs with my name on them, Ma. All I know is, if I have done half as well with Kyle as you did with us, that kid’s gonna be all right, yo. #LoveYouMom #HappyMothersDay
Kimerer is a Tribune Chronicle columnist whose Mom deserves a medal or two … billion. Check out a nice snap of her beloved mother at www.patriciakimerer.com