Recognize Spent Syndrome as real malady

You know how it is when you oversleep and…

Jump out of bed and smack into the wall and zip into the shower and the water’s freezing but you’re late so you primp your entire body (including face) in like 45 seconds and then fall down the stairs (because you’re running) and simultaneously load the dishes left in the sink by your housemates, make two lunches and a breakfast plus a puppy plate and jump in the car only to realize you forgot to put on your grandmother’s cross ring (and are now convinced some horror will befall you within the hour) and it starts pouring buckets and you hit the mother of all potholes and smack your head on the car roof and finally pull into work and schlep up to your office only to realize there’s like an entire pine tree rolling around underneath your right eyelid and you wind up having to blast off all your makeup and start all over again?

#SeriouslyThough

Heaving sigh.

In other words: Dontcha just hate it when you miss your alarm and wind up with that icky feeling all day long that something is just off? Yeah, me, too.

I call it The Spent Syndrome.

You know, you spent too much time working on that proposal or submission form or article or scrapbook. Or you spent too much energy cooking or cleaning or cleaning up after cooking.

Or you spent too much money … and now you’re spending serious brain power on trying to find the best way to balance your wallet or checkbook or your monthly budget.

And as a cumulative result, you didn’t sleep or eat or chill enough and you’re, you know, just spent.

#WelcomeToMyLife

The Spent Syndrome is an epidemic in my generation. There’s an alliance of us dedicated to trying to find a vaccine for the malady, but every time we try to schedule a focus group, one of us forgets it … or shows up on the wrong day … or falls asleep on the kitchen floor, keys in hand. #ItActuallyHappened Once

Until we can find an antidote to this veritable poison, we are independently (or in small cluster groups) testing treatment therapies that include copious amounts of wine and / or chocolate; for medicinal purposes only, of course. One member suggested an all-carb diet as a possible remedy.

#YouCopeHowYou WantandI’llCopeHowIWant

Anyway, symptoms include but are not necessarily limited to the following:

• Forgetting whether or not you already used the shampoo while standing in the shower;

• Omitting the cup beneath the brewer when making your morning cuppa joe;

• Wearing only one earring;

• Sporting socks — or unfortunately, on occasion — shoes or boots that are not part of the same set;

• Skipping your daily vitamin, supplement or medicine;

• Not putting on deodorant;

• Leaving your cellphone charging on the kitchen counter all day;

• Bursting into inconsolable tears as you open a mystery envelope that turns out to be your AARP membership card.

BTW, I’m flattered that you think I have it together enough to retire at age 49, AARP, and it looks like you offer some very nice services and benefits. But, forgive me, because I’m spent and therefore must rip your flippity flipping little piece of plastic into 14 zillion teeny pieces in an offended rage.

#I’mNotThatOldYet #DenialAin’tJustARiverinEgypt

Oh, well, at least I’m reunited with Nonna’s ring. Whew! It’s just about time for my caffeine injection anyway.

Kimerer is a Tribune Chronicle columnist who may or may not have forgotten her pantyhose today. Good thing you can’t tell on her blog site www.patriciakimerer.com

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