When did skijoring get booted from the games?
Finally, they are here. The games of the 23rd Olympiad or, as most of us say, Winter Olympics 2018, yo.
Man, oh man how I love the Olympics!
In fact, if being a fan of the Olympics was an Olympic sport, I would totally win the gold. And, shoot, as for being one of the most dedicated supporters of all U.S. Olympic teams, well, I don’t want to brag or anything, but I’d have to say I’d repeat in that event, too.
Speaking of events, I always make it a point to scrutinize the list of official sports at the outset of each Olympics. I began doing this in 2005 when baseball and softball got booted from the lineup in the summer games in Singapore.
Baseball, not a sport in the summer Olympics? Collective American HMPF. How rude. I digress.
You better believe I was going to do a little snow shoveling to determine if any of my fave winter sports got iced out of the #Pyeongchang Games this year.
Snowboarding and speed skating, check.
Ice hockey, cross-country, freestyle, Nordic combined and Alpine skiing, good — especially because I feel like America’s going to crush it in several of these, capisce?
Bobsled and luge, bam. Skeleton makes me so terrified but still I watch between my fingers, check.
Curling — present and accounted for. It’s not that I enjoy watching curling. It’s that I enjoy watching my family members and the spectators in the arena watching curling. To me, it’s so foreign a concept, kind of shuffleboard on ice. Sort of flat, cold darts with a stick. A smidge chilly bocce. Nah, that’s a stretch.
Either way, a lot of people get very, very heated about this winter sport … and that is fun for me to observe after a long day, you see.
Figure skating and ice dancing had better ding dang well ALWAYS be on the list of official Olympic winter sports or PK will have a meltdown big enough to liquefy the polar caps, capisce? Clearly my favorite of the winter offerings (sorry, hockey peeps), nothing says grace, elegance and sheer refinement more predominantly in the Olympics than do these two events.
Yes, yes, I’m aware Tonya Harding was a part of them at one point in time. Still…
And snowboarding. DUDE, there absolutely cannot be a Winter Games without Shaun White and company flying through the air all kowabunga-like doing insane flips and turns and inverted spins and whatnot. #ShaunWhiteistoocool
As for ski ballet, speed skiing and skijoring, which is a sport in which a person on skis is pulled by either a horse or dog — sometimes even a motorized vehicle — these have all been outlawed by the IOC. Thank you, actually.
Boy, I’ll tell you, though, if any of the following ever make the cut at either the Summer or Winter Olympics, well, I’ll put it this way: You’ll all be saying you knew me when.
In no particular order, here are some categories I would totally rock in the Olympics:
l Boasting about my kid;
l Walking into the wall the most times in a day;
l Misplacing my keys, glasses, phone and even purse;
l Worrying … about everything … all the time … every day.
l Appreciating all the blessings in my life and realizing they are not only much more than I deserve but also far greater than any medal, hands down.
Go Team USA!!!
Kimerer is a Tribune Chronicle columnist who is so excited about the Olympics starting that she may just sign up for ice-skating lessons. Then again, she does fall down a lot on non-slick surfaces. Send her coupons for ibuprofen at www.patriciakimerer.com.