Losing the popular vote by one on ‘nice’ campaign

The other day I learned that someone recently accused me of being too nice. As I heard it, the comment went a little something like this:

“Patty Kimerer, oh, she’s nice — like, maybe a little too nice, you know what I mean? Come on, no one can be that nice all the time.”

Hmm. I think my husband might disagree that I’m kind 24/7, 365, you dig? Heck, I can be downright crummy on occasion.

In fact, there have been a few days in the last week alone when I actually pondered calling someone a snotface. So there!

I didn’t actually do it. But I thought about it good and long, I’ll tell ya!

Oh, oh, and that dork who was texting and driving as he nearly creamed me head on? Yeah, I totally screamed at that dude. Well, I mean, in my car… after he passed me so he doesn’t know. But still!

And then there was that time back in high school when I was up for Nicest Personality in the senior poll, but I totally didn’t win. I got edged out by a single vote.

Mine.

As a key member of the “Orion” Yearbook staff (I was the copy editor. natch), I had to help tally up the vote count for all the categories. Cutest Couple, Shyest, Teacher’s Pet, Class Clown, Best Class Spirit, Best Dressed, Nicest Hair — all of them were declared landslide winners by NBC, ABC,CBS, CNN, Fox News and even MSNBC on the day of the election.

Yep, the only recount required was for Nicest Personality, which was literally determined by one.

I remember laughing and saying out loud, “I actually bumped myself out of contention.” I had cast my ballot for the other gal with whom I’d broke the genteel tie. To this day, Lisa is a sweetie pie. If I had to do it over again, I would totally re-vote for her.

I clearly remember my boyfriend at the time asking me if I was an idiot. He was a real Prince Charming, that one.

I tried to explain to him that it would negate the very act of voting if I hadn’t backed someone else in this particular contest.

“If you vote for yourself as nicest, it automatically makes you, you know, not the nicest,” I said in defense of my choice of not me. I swear, it made perfect sense in my head but lacked a certain charm as it rolled off my tongue.

Proving that he was not contender for the Nicest Personality moniker, he dumped me about a week later. It was my 18th birthday. #waynotnice

All these years later, I guess I’m still campaigning. I have an almost compulsive need to please other people. #nurturer

But the question is, when it comes to being nice, is there such a thing as too much? The Catholic school girl in me says NO WAY! It’s one of the very few things in life that is actually good in excess. Like hugging or smiling or loving.

That being said, I can be meaner than a junkyard dog if you look sideways at my kid or disparage someone I love, capisce?

So fine, maybe I am too nice sometimes, but it’s like Izzie said on “Grey’s Anatomy” when everyone was baffled as to why she’d help her cheating boyfriend study for his boards: “It’s what Jesus would … do!”

Kimerer is a Tribune Chronicle columnist who hopes no one was offended by the snotface crack. Check out her nice, daily blog at www.patriciakimerer.com

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