Lack of sack time turns mom into canvas of color

Do you think it’s possible to fall asleep with your eyes open?

Hmm.

According to the big brains over at verywell.com, it happens on occasion.

Apparently, some folks have a condition called parasomnia. This is when someone is asleep but the brain isn’t fully at rest — and therefore, their eyes may not be entirely closed. #greatschnikes

I guess parasomnias are a whole category of sleep disorders that are characterized by unnatural movements, behaviors, emotions, perceptions, and dreams that take place while someone is falling asleep, is already asleep, is in between different stages of sleep, or when they’ve just been awakened.

Man, the whole explanation is making me tired. Shoot, I’m always tired, which is sort of my point. #yawningfordays

But, then again, so are most of the women in my circle. No, no, I’m not trying to dis the boys in my orbit. It’s just that, well, they tend to be more self-aware (and by aware I mean ISH) when it comes to making sure they get a full night’s rest. Yes, honey, I’m talking to you. #sorrynotsorry

Boys are funny that way, insisting on sleeping lots of hours, like in a row. Some of them even have the sheer audacity to nap. Like in the daylight. As fully formed grownups.

Personally, I haven’t had a complete, start-to-finish, uninterrupted snooze fest since the Reagan era. I’m not kidding.

Hmpf.

Not to complain or anything; there are far greater crosses to bear than just being a little sleep deprived. Believe me, I know how incredibly fortunate I am to live this life that’s been gifted to me. Thank you, Lord.

It’s not that I can’t handle dragging a little or needing that 14th cup of coffee. It’s just that I think my family and friends are becoming slightly alarmed. For instance, I’m starting to look like the human equivalent of Joseph’s Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat.

I may or may not have walked directly into the door at the dentist’s the other day. And at the office. And going from the house to the garage. Ouch.

I might have clocked myself with a desk drawer, a kitchen cabinet, a tumbling cereal box (in the pantry), and / or a package of pasta from the top shelf at the grocery store. Oof.

It’s possible that I opened the car trunk hatch into my hip bone, tripped up the steps and smacked my shin into the falling Crock-Pot, and knocked a framed picture onto the top of my head while dusting it.

Klutzy and tired are one fruitful recipe for creating a black-and-blue-and-green-and-yellow-and-purple mosaic on a gal.

And again, I don’t think I necessarily have a sleep disorder — other than regularly following a really, really bad pattern of only sleeping in brief bursts. Heck, I don’t mind confiding in you all that I think I might actually be asleep right now.

I know I was definitely the walking dead of sleep this morning when I turned around to get into my bubble bath only to find bubbles and no bath. I guess I was so sleepy I forgot to flip up the drain plug handle. Snap.

I was also a little bushed last week when I went into work with makeup on only one eye. Lovely. Oh well, maybe people thought it was some cool new Parisian Pirate fashion trend? Maybe not.

I was definitely only mostly awake a few mornings ago around 3 a.m. when I clearly remember scratching at my right cheek because it sort of felt like something was tickling it. I opened one eye for a millisecond and thought the coast was clear. I didn’t see any flying or creepily crawling things anywhere.

Except on the wall above my head when I finally woke up for real at 4:45 a.m. (my daily rise-and-shine time). It was a baby centipede. I stress the word was. #ripleggylittleguy

Shudder.

Oh well, even though I’m often the only one awake in my house — including my dog — if being tired is the worst crisis I’ve got, life is pretty darned awesome. Some might even call it a dream. #blessedandgrateful

Kimerer is a Tribune Chronicle columnist and one tired cookie. Contact her anytime…she’s always up… at www.patriciakimerer.com

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