Secret, secret, I’ve got a secret … admirer

I know Thanksgiving is officially over but I need to give one last shout out to a very special somebody while we’re still in that whole appreciating things mode.

Therefore, I am formally, publicly and officially declaring a huge thank you to my secret admirer (SA for short), whomever he or she might be.

Yep, he / she is that good because I have absolutely no clue about the identity of the sender of the many random gifts I have been receiving over the past several weeks.

These include but are not necessarily limited to:

l An automatic cat food dispenser set;

l An iPhone case;

l A video of the trailer of the upcoming film “The Greatest Showman” (I guess it’s a movie about P.T. Barnum and the evolution of the Barnum & Bailey Circus?);

l An iPhone charger;

l Assorted cat toys;

l A car mount / holder for an iPhone;

l A cat brush;

l A puzzle … with lots of cats on it;

l A cloth iPhone carrier;

l Catnip;

l A book … about cats;

l Speakers. Ironically, they are unrelated to the iPhone and to be frank, I’m not sure to what they are intended to be connected. Cats, maybe?

l Cat stickers.

Gosh, SA, I’m really at a loss. It’s so incredibly generous and unexpected of you to send me these things. Continually. Every few weeks. All addressed directly to Patricia A. Kimerer and arriving right here at the correct address of where I live with my fam. #creepy

It’s especially, um, special, since:

A. I don’t have a cat. In fact, I am wildly allergic to them. Anyone who knows me even in passing is aware that I am — how do you say — a DOG person, yo.

B. I don’t have an iPhone. I have an Android but really, really miss my Blackberry if I’m being totally honest. I digress.

C. I have very little patience for puzzles but would probably be more enticed to waste hours on end piecing one together if it bore the likeness of, oh, I don’t know, a beautiful skyline or an evening cityscape or a sweeping mountain panorama or a golden beach sunset or, you know, a dog.

D. I love Hugh Jackman and Zac Efron just as much as the next red-blooded American gal — but I not only have no interest in seeing “The Greatest Showman” when it comes out in theaters Dec. 20 (according to random gift number 43), but I won’t even watch it if it ultimately airs onbroadcast television. For free. What can I say? Not a huge circus fan; I hate a place with that many clowns in one contained area, yo.

E. I don’t have a cat.

Oh, and while I’m thanking’ people for stuff, a big nod to Amazon Prime. Despite the fact that we’ve contacted them 857 times over the past five months to tell them we keep getting unwanted deliveries from them, they refuse to be of any assistance whatsoever.

I mean, they did determine that it is, indeed, only one person who keeps “gifting” me, as they refer to it. But when we asked if they could tell SA to cease and desist, we were told that’s not an option. “Please just destroy any unwanted packages.”

Great. That’s just what Mother Earth needs.

Looks like I’ll be checking into recycling arbitrary cat and iPhone crap … and I mean that with all the love in the world, SA; just in case you’re reading. #fortheloveofpete #makeitstop

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